Remembering my mother

Today is the 50^th anniversary of the death of my mother, Norma Mabel (Miller) Shepheard (1917-1974). It has been a long time, but she is still part of our fondest memories. She died way to young but in her short time on Earth she had a major impact on all those around her, especially her children.

Curiously I read something in the comic pages this past week (Pearls Before Swine, 26 September 2024) that so clearly describes how we might feel about losing someone close. Sometimes you find perception in the strangest places:

A main character asked a local seer: “Oh, Wise Ass, when a magician makes himself disappear, is he really gone?”

The seer replied, “No, he’s just somewhere else that you can’t see.”

The character then commented, “So it’s sort of like when someone you love dies. It might look like they’re gone but really, they’re just somewhere else, like in your heart. And that’s its own form of magic.”

The seer’s comment, “Sometimes there’s nothing I can add.”

I can add nothing either. She’ll forever be in my heart.

The care and selflessness of mothers, grandmothers, sisters and aunts

We have more than a few stories about mothers, grandmothers, sisters and aunts in past family lines who made special efforts to care for their children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews.

I was reminded of such events by discussions this past week with a friend and her recent experience with illness in her family and the support she has been able to offer as a mother and grandmother.

My 2^nd great grandmother, Susanna Pearson (nee Davis), was shown on the (April) 1891 census in the Torquay, Devon home of her daughter, my great-grandmother, Mary Elizabeth Shepheard, where one month old grandson, my grandfather James, also resided. Susanna moved from her home in Leamington, Warwickshire, to look after Mary (and James of course) who was ill and probably bedridden. Great-grandfather James was in service and was required to live in the home of his employer elsewhere in Torquay. Mary died in October so it would not surprise me if her mother stayed until the end. Susanna and my 2^nd great-grandfather, Charles, took the little boy into their care in their Leamington, Warwickshire home. He was there for about a year, until they could no longer look after him because of their own failing health.

A 3^rd great-grandmother, Ann Shepheard (nee Symons), along with one of her daughters, Jane, came from Cornwood, Devon to the home of a brother-in-law in Plymouth, to care for him and his three-month-old daughter when sister-in-law, Thomasin Short (nee Shepheard) fell ill. Ann was shown there at the time of the (June) 1841 census just after the new mother died. No doubt she had arrived before the woman was incapacitated and stayed to care for the family. Baby Thomasin ended up living with another aunt for several years. She also received financial support from other relatives.

Coincidentally both young women died of phthisis (tuberculosis), 50 years apart.

My wife was very involved in the well being of her mother in the latter’s late life visiting her regularly and taking care of her needs, in her apartment while she could live on her own, and later in the care home before where she spent her last days.

One of my sisters lived with our mother for several months before Mom moved from the city of Calgary to a new home in British Columbia. Mom became ill with what we knew only later was the early stages cancer. My sister cared for her immediate needs and provided much needed companionship while our dad was setting up a new business.

These are just a few stories I have uncovered so far through my family history research that show the love and support family members had for each other, perhaps especially the mothers, grandmothers, sisters and aunts who primarily took on the direct supporting roles. 

In most families I believe it generally is the females in families that provide for the assistance and ease of the burdens of older or sick relatives. While my wife and I are not unable to fend for ourselves, our daughter and daughter-in-law both go out of their way to do things for us whenever they can. Not that men don’t care or offer whatever help they can. But it’s different.